When my son first got his PlayStation he was always asking me to play a game with him. My response was "I can't figure out the controllers. If you want to play a game of cards, I will play, but if you want to play PlayStation, ask your dad."

He smiled and said, "I'm a kid and I know how to use the controllers. You can learn to play the PS; you just don't want to."

What could I say to that? He was entirely right! I certainly could learn—I simply had no desire to. This makes me wonder how often can't is used inaccurately.

How often do we hear I can't?

• A child: "I can't clean my room by myself."
• A colleague: "I can't get my whole class to grade-level expectations."
• A friend: "I can't lose weight."
• Yourself: "I can't ____________."

Have you ever thought about what those words really mean? They indicate that progress has stopped and the speaker has decided there is no solution; they are giving up.

When an individual says, "I can't," do they really mean there is no possible way of doing it? It usually means one of three things:

• I don't want to do it.
• I don't believe I can do it.
• I don't know how to do it.

In all three cases, it is a choice. Replacing I can't can be a bit unsettling, because it takes the excuse away and holds us responsible. However, it also empowers us.

Next time you think, I can't_________, stop and correct yourself. You can learn if you want to and if you believe in yourself.

This article might be missing links that were included at the time of publication.